“Judaism says that money is like rain. If it falls on roses they will grow, if it falls on weeds, the weeds will grow […] Even Mother Teresa said It takes a checkbook to change the world. She herself raised millions and millions of dollars because she understood the power of money as a resource for good.”

– Cathy Heller, Author, Abundant Ever After

On our second date, my now-husband said something that stuck me like a thorn in a rose bush. While I nervously chattered on about my weird desire to be a starving artist—probably referencing Into the Wild, which is still one of my favorite books to this day—Patrick just sat there with a smirk on his face. Eventually I had to interrupt myself: “What’s with the look?” His response was maddeningly confident: “Nothing. I just think you like money more than you think.”

Gulp.

I was floored. Who was this guy? I wasn’t used to being called out, especially not about my commitment to frugality…people usually played along with me on this rant. I guess my subconscious knew something I didn’t, because I moved past it enough to continue dating him and eventually marry him. But even after ten years of marriage and two kids together, I didn’t fully come around to understanding his point until reading Cathy Heller’s book Abundant Ever After, which is where I read the quote above.

My upbringing valued ideas and learning over material things. We lived comfortably, but my natural instinct was to get lost in books, not chase money (I very humbly admit to realizing HOW FORTUNATE I was to have that privilege)! It’s a mindset that’s served me well in some ways, but not so much in others. When I started my own business in my twenties, it totally backfired. It turns out I’d kept my head in the sand about money for so much of my life that I was entirely uncomfortable putting a price on myself and my services. 

I’m sure that awareness was nagging at me the night of that date with Patrick. But it didn’t fully click until Heller reframed the idea of money for me. She points out that currency comes from the word current. It’s not meant to be hoarded. It’s meant to move. Money, like energy, creates momentum when it flows. When it stagnates, it causes problems—not just for economies, but for relationships, opportunities, and dreams. Later in the book, Heller takes this analogy a step further while discussing what people should charge for their services (importantly services born out of their discovery of their own unique path) and says that people should charge so much that it actually creates an energetic, almost electric, charge. Heller points out that “not attaching a solid dollar value to what I offer can be interpreted in one way I under-value not only myself, but also you.”

That hit me hard. So much so that I was inspired to examine what, specifically, I didn’t like about money. Some of it was rooted in a belief that I would never have it, but much more of it was rooted in a belief that money bought things like handbags and shoes, that I had no interest in having, or an expression of status that never appealed to me. However, to the point in this introductory quote that mentions Mother Theresa, money isn’t isolated to things. Money is deeply rooted in ideas and people and salvation and dreams… all of which I’m entirely passionate about. Like currency and energy, whether we like it or not, money is connected to everything. Money has power over everything, and it can help or hinder us depending on how we use it and choose to think about it. 

I realized then that my aversion to money wasn’t noble. It was fear disguised as virtue. I’d convinced myself money was about status symbols I didn’t care about, but that’s not what money is—that’s just what some people do with it. Money is a tool. Like energy, like rain—it feeds what we direct it toward.

If I’m deeply committed to living my unique purpose here on Earth—part of what I’m searching for in writing this blog—then why would I block the very flow of energy that could help me expand it? Why would I pour time and love into something and then reject the resource that could help it grow? I now I see what Patrick was really saying that night. It wasn’t about handbags or wealth for wealth’s sake. It was about roses. About ideas. About people. About possibility.

Whether or not my dreams are measured for me in psychic income, somewhere out in the world they’re attached to an energy, a currency, that’s inextricably linked to money. So yes—it is about money. Pat was right… I do like money more than I think, and I better get comfortable money attaching to my dreams. When it rains, I want to make sure I’m ready to grow something worth growing.